i wish i wasn’t so hopelessly boring. so odly discomfited and socially awkward that people grow bored and restless simply talking to me, like they’d prefer to be somewhere else, with someone else. and i hate myself for that. I hate the way i can’t excite a soul, can’t carry on a conversation, or make someone laugh. So willing to please that I stumble over my words, too many thoughts overflowing my ill capable mind. Then I acquired this tendency of distancing myself away, when people became emotionally close. Maybe it’s the way I know they’ll leave me in the end. Because everyone around me always does. And I don’t want to dislike myself more than I already have.